Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
