After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There r osticjed everywhere
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
