It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
