yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I stole a fireplace last night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
