If that was your dad, he is hot
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
