So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
