The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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