What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
