He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
