I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
