the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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