Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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