Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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