Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My penis needs a shock collar
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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