is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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