If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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