What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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