I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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