i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
All I want is dick and wine.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
