My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
