A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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