Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
