you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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