So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
