Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
