I wanna bring you to show and tell
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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