My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
