i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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