So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
