I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
