Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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