Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
