Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
