Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
