I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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