Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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