im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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