I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Life is so much better after having sex.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
