You're a womanizer and a bitch.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
