Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
