I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It was like giving head to a cactus.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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