Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
