the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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