her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
