Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
