My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
