When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
