My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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