Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
