he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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