So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
