Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
His nipple licking is glorious
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