how can u be prego again
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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