Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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