i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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