his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
