dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize