do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
