I've blown a few things in my day
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
