the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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