Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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