I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
