Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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