I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
