Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
