Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
