wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
